Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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