My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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