I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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