Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
