ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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