Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
