Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
