we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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