I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
