Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
