Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
