Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
