your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
