Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
