I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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