do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
