thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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