My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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