Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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