and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
