I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
