Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
