Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
