i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
