I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
...so i touched it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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