the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
