8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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