I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
