he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
