Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
