haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
