I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
