We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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