I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
