I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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