i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize