that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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