Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
