Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
