Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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