Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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