Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
