Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
