went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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