yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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