I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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