You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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