There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
