I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
