i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize