I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
