is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
