Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
