Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
