and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
