worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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