i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I believe in your delicious
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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