Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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