The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize