i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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