I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
