You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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