I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
