I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
