I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
