She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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