I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
