I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
