Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
