For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
