I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
