how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
