My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
