I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
